“Ponder the path of thy feet, and let all thy ways be established. Turn not to the right hand nor to the left: remove thy foot from evil.” Proverbs 4:26-27
I cannot imagine a more difficult project than writing down the words to my own life’s story. As a man, a father and as a spokesman promoting fatherhood - it seems a necessity for my exposing my own life’s story for all to see and judge accordingly. It will become obvious fairly quickly, that I am far from perfect… and, this side of glory, I never will be. Still, I share my life’s story with you in the hope that you might glean some nugget of encouragement as you traverse that difficult trail of fatherhood.
“Doth not he see my ways, and count all my steps?” Job 31:4
The sixth of seven children, I grew up during the wild and tumultuous 60’s and 70s era. Dad did the best he could trying to maintain the loose bonds of a very dysfunctional family. He was so busy with his career goals, maintaining a large home and trying to keep his marriage together that I rarely spent time with him. Oh, how I longed to be his intimate son. Those days never came.
I married in 1978. Without the good counsel of a wise father, I entered into a marital union with a young woman who had many deep and personal problems. Knowing only the pains of loneliness growing up - I made myself believe that any intimate relationship would be better than remaining alone.
“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck. My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not.” Proverbs 1:7-10
Together, we raised four sons. As a dad, I did the best I could trying to maintain the loose bonds of a very dysfunctional family. I was busy with my career goals, maintaining a large home and trying to keep my marriage together - with a wife who, beset by childhood abuse - entered into one illicit sexual affair after another.
My marriage to her abruptly ended with she and her lover handing me divorce papers… 17 years of “hell on earth” and suddenly, I was forced into role of a divorced, single parent dad to four teenage sons.
“And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleases God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her.” Ecclesiastes 7:26
Single again, alone and angry, I struggled for the next three years with all that had befallen me. All I ever wanted to be was a loving husband, father and one day, cool grandpa to a bunch of little ones. At my lowest point, I begged God to let my heart stop - to feel no more heartache, the grievous memories of childhood abuse and abandonment, the betrayal of a many times unfaithful wife and the rejection of pious fellow Christians who looked upon me like I was a leper because I was divorced.
“I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxes old because of all mine enemies. Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity; for the LORD hath heard the voice of my weeping. The LORD hath heard my supplication; the LORD will receive my prayer. Let all mine enemies be ashamed and sore vexed: let them return and be ashamed suddenly.” Psalm 6:6-10
My God heard me.
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God. For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” II Corinthians 5:17-21
Today, my beautiful wife Elaine and I have a vibrant marriage, a large and ever-growing family of young people who desire to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord’s power and wisdom. Our love for one another has become founded upon God’s love toward us and His examples - not the superficial love that this world offers.
“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12
I am not sure when it happened, but one day, I came to realize that I transformed from dad to father. What exactly is a father, you might ask? I believe that he can be described as the man who, over the many tough years of failures and adversities, has gleaned a wisdom that transforms him from the simplistic role of “providing” for his family’s physical, financial and emotional needs, to that of a leader, teacher and friend toward his own as well as toward his neighbor.
“It takes more than sex to be a father.” William Bateman, Christian father
About the author:
William Bateman is the husband to Elaine. They have been remarried for a number of years now. The father to a large blended family of eighteen, William has sons who have served in the United States Marines, Air Force and Army. He has daughters who have served on the foreign mission field in Uganda, Ireland, Costa Rica, Montana Rural Missions and south Florida amongst the Hispanic peoples. He has other sons and daughters who regularly perform worship concerts at church fellowships, fund raisers, group homes, nursing homes, women’s conferences and youth rallies.
“For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.” I Corinthians 4:15
One last thought from the author:
A good father is one who knows how to forgive - unconditionally. It is impossible to do this of course, without God’s direct intervention. Listen to what God says about the matter of forgiving:
“And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:12-15
Ask God what this means. Go to His Word and begin reading for yourselves, the wonderful plans that God has for all who seek after Him! He loves you. He always has. He knows.
I just wanted to drop a quick line to Spanky’s wife and kids…I ran into Spanky at the Lake of the Clouds hut, just below the summit at Mount Washington. He is doing well and speaks highly of you all. To Spanky, it was a pleasure to meet you, I wish you the best and I hope that our paths may cross again some day. John J. Petrolino III, Red Bank, NJ, http://www.johnpetrolino.com